Being a parent comes with its sacrifice, challenges, aches as well as is joy and fulfilment, but these are all worth it.
As a parent:
- Spend quality time with your child/children, meaning you have less time to do the things you used to do, willingly give up certain pleasures and habits so you can spend more time with your family, a TV programme. As this relationship starts, I’ve learnt that some of the things I thought I really loved and couldn’t live without just aren’t as important to me anymore. Help them with their homework, take them to the park and run around, ride the swings, with them, talk with them, when they grow up they will not forget, they in turn will do same to their children.
- The advantage of this is, there is bonding, a sense of belonging, your children feel they are loved, have a connection, attachment to you and are not afraid to share their pains and joy with you, they do not feel estranged or alone. They are 90% not easily swept off by Gangsters, or peer pressure.
- Have a listening ear, don’t shun your children, or shut them up whenever they need your ears, and don’t be too busy not to create time to listen to your children. If you don’t there is that god father/mother figure out there that may rewrite the destiny of your child, give your EARS!
- Be a sensitive, your child may be hurting inside, ‘wounded and bleeding’ and want to find solace/comfort in Dad’s or mum’s arms, if you are not sensitive, you might miss it, the consequence may be irreversible! There are so many damaged Children out there it starts with an insensitive parent.
Parenting also goes with discipline, both cannot be divorced, discipline is very key in parenting in order to raise well behaved children and in turn grow an orderly community which eventually leads to a healthy society.
Children misbehave in a thousand and one ways, from throwing tantrums, to rebelling, aggressive, head butting, foul mouthing etc.
Introducing and ensuring effective and timely discipline, sets standards against which the child can measure his actions, it therefore keep the child in check.
- Stop asking the WHY question, instead ask ‘what were you trying to achieve?
Whenever your child misbehaves; naturally you want to ask why he/she did what they did, rather ask what they are trying to achieve, because the WHY of the matter leads to that child making excuse, and possibly lying.
The WHY never lead to behaviour change, but when you ask what he/she was trying to achieve, it gets them thinking! ‘Did my action solve my problem or got me into a greater trouble? If no which usually is, then that child has been given another alternative or option: ‘next time I find myself in a similar or same situation, how else could I handle the situation differently and in a dignified manner without getting into trouble’ .
- The aim is to get him to understand that untoward behaviour doesn’t solve his problem but that there are other ways of achieving that same thing in a different way. The child will then begin to see things from another perspective; he or she matures in his ability to reason and to make quality decision/s.
- If there is a need to discipline that child, he or she will appreciate it, having had time to reason out his behaviour, and please do not discipline a child in a way that he will feel hated or abused, justify your punishment based on the severity of the offence, if you need to just rebuke the child, do it with love, don’t strike a child for an offence that he only needs a warning or a rebuke for.
- Never deprive your child of food as a form of punishment, always be sure that the punishment is commensurate to the offence committed! Yes you may want to deny your child of a pleasure, but not for too long, e.g may be not allowing him to watch his favourite TV programme, or ride his bicycle or go to the park.
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